How to find a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater

1. Place a sign outside your front door that says 'Cannibals Welcome'
2. paint your house purple.
3. At around midnight on the night of a waxing gibbous moon, stand in the middle of your street and begin to read from Patrick F. McManus's The Shoot Canoes, Don't they? very loudly.
4. Keep reading until you either finish the book, the purple people eaters show up, or a neighbor comes and starts wacking you with a heavy broom.
5. If you still have not been able to see a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater, then repeat these steps until you do.